Intimate Relationship Talk

                               
If you can answer YES to more than a few of the following you are probably a love addict.Remember that love addiction comes in many forms. So even if you don’t answer YES to all of the questions you may still be a love addict.
-You are very needy when it comes to relationships.
-.You fall in love very easily and too quickly.
-.When you fall in love, you can’t stop fantasizing-even to do important things.You can’t help yourself.
-.Sometimes, when you are lonely and looking for companionship you lower your standards and settle for less than you want or deserve.
-.When you are in a relationship,you tend to smother your partner.
-.More than once, you have gotten involved with someone who is unable to commit-hoping he or she will change.
-.Once you have bonded with someone, you can’t let go.
-.When you are attracted to someone,you will ignore all the warning signs that this person is not good enough for you.
- Initial attraction is more important to you than anything else when it comes to love and choosing a partner,falling in love is not an option.
-When you are in love, you trust people who are not trustworthy, the rest of the time you have a hard time trusting people.
-When a relationship ends, you feel your life is over and more than once you have thought about suicide because of a failed relationship.
-You take on more than your share of responsibility for the survival of a relationship.
-Love and relationships are the only things that interest you.
-In some of your relationships,you were the only one in love.
-You are overwhelmed with loneliness when you are not in love or in a relationship.
-You cannot stand being lone.You do not enjoy your own company.
-More than once, you have gotten involved with the wrong person to avoid being lonely.
-You are terrified of never finding someone to love.
-You feel inadequate if, you are not in a relationship.
-You cannot say no when you are in love or if your partner threatens to leave you.
-You try very hard to be who your partner wants you to be.You will do anything to please him or her-even abandon youself(sacrifice what you want, need and value).
-When you are in love, you only see what you want to see, you distort reality to quell anxiety and feed your fantasies.
-You have a high tolerance for suffering in relationships .You are willing to suffer neglect,depression,loneliness,dishonesty-even abuse to avoid the pain of separation, anxiety.(what you feel when you are not with someone you have bonded with).
-More than once,you have carried a torch for someone and it was agonizing.
-You love romance.You have had more than one romantic interest at a time even when it involved dishonesty.
-You stayed with an abusive person.
-Fantasizes about someone you love ,even if he or she is unavailable,are more important to you than meeting someone who is available.
-You are terrified of being abandoned.Even when the slightest rejection feels like abandonment and it makes you feel horrible.
-You chase after people who have rejected you and try desperately to change their minds.
-When you are in love, you are overly possessive and jealous.
-More than once,you have neglected your family or friends because of your relationship.
-You have no impulse control when you are in love.
-You feel an overwhelming need to check up on someone you are in love with.
-More than once,you have spied on someone you are in love with.
-You pursue someone you are in love with even if she or he is with another person.
-If you are part of a love triangle,(three people),You believe all is fair in love and war.You do not walk away.
-Love is the most important thing in the world to you.
-Even if you are not in a relationship,you still fantasize about love all the time-either someone you once loved or the perfect person who is going to come into your life some day.
-As far back as you can remember,you have been preoccupied with love and romantic fantasies.
-You feel powerless when you fall in love as if you are in some kind of trance or under a spell.You lose your ability to make wise decisions.

Have touched on a topic based on decision making? I kind of think I have..
Yes, I did… see EXERCISE CAUTION..
But, this time, I am touching it again but from another angle:
I still try to understand people who when they meet someone they like and want to date or be in a serious relationship with, they first of all want all their friends to ‘approve’ of the person or no deal..
I want to scream like: ” What in the name of … is this?!”
Please, I beg you, if you know you belong in that category, please.. TRY AND UPGRADE your self confidence which is seriously in dysfunction. You seriously,need re-evaluation!
Moving on..
There are some people who are best know as RELATIONSHIP WAILERS!
Whenever they have problems in their relationships or with whatever it is they are doing, the whole world must hear and know the details. They just cannot handle any situation.. Someone has to do it for them..
An advice for you..
You have to learn to endure..
Let not your mouth be fast to tell the next willing and listening ear;
Digest the situation and try your best to handle it..
Even if you want to confide in someone, just 1 or 2 people is all you need and not the all world!
You have to learn to be strong, the world isn’t a bed of roses..
  Mila Kunis was and in the danger of losing her eyesight and she never broadcasted it until she had dealt with it and now she’s earned the right to sing her victory song..
Guys,Ladies you all have got to man big time!
No dulling….
As an aside..
Did you hear about the flu Vaccine which could even a permanent cure to that ailment?!
I’m almost already missing the flu! lol..
Sometimes, I think it’s natural to have these little ailments to remind you that you’re human, or don’t you think so?
  Love you all peeps!

How are we doing? Hope good? I guess we all kind of have
an idea of what this post is talking about? If so, the better.

When we talk about this topic, let this saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ not be far from our minds.
There comes a time in every relationship where to preserve it,you have to create some distance.Now when is the call for space or distance needed?It comes up when you have a partner that tends to take you for granted or is never satisfied with who you are what he/she receives from you.
You know,nothing hurts as when your partner takes you for granted and does not value you especially when you try as much as possible to give your relationship your all. What to do?You have to create some space.
. Try not to make yourself so available. Reduce the calls you make without showing that it is actually your intention to do so.
Act distant and preoccupied without any show of malice. A show of being busy would do the trick.Do not make yourself so available to his or her every whim and caprices.
Sometimes,they would want to get a reaction out of you by doing that which would normally cause you to talk or react,I urge you to maintain your stance and act like you do not notice the obvious intent of your partner.
It would not always be possible for you to just pack your bags and travel with the intention of giving your partner space due to obligations and ties, you can still give your partner space living in the same house with him/her.
And as with everything in life, do not overdo it. You know you are on the right path when your partner starts to show some sort of concern and wants to know why you have changed. Then,you can iron out your differences. I wish you the very best as you do so. Take care.

I would like to believe that communication is the bedrock of every relationship. Even when there’s the absence of love or sex, communication and friendship between both parties would make the union,dalliance,easier to manage, whatever the case may be.
With communication, you are able to decipher your partner’s deepest feelings and desires as is yours if you both really open up to each other.
When there is that ease in communicating,it is difficult for there to be breakups, separation or divorce. Couples,partners,spouses and the likes should hold communication as the most important weapon and wield it ceaselessly. It even prevents cheating.There is also the absence of deep rooted malice.
What’s more? Talking makes whatever pain or hurt go away faster than bottling it all up.Silence would eat up your core and damage your essence when communicating your issues would save your relationship as it were.
So,this is hoping we’ve learnt something here today? just keep trying to communicate,not nag and even if your partner isn’t the talking type, he/she would learn from you eventually.

The rules are simple. Not much talk is here.. I numbered them so we don't get tired.. Hope we adhere to them so that we cam smile more often.. Cheers!

-Do not make hurtful comments. Your intent may be for good but the outcome will be unexpected in a bad way.
-Do not be aloof: Being unresponsive is like a loud ‘do not come near,I do not need you’ vibe
-Do not be judgmental,stop thinking you’re way above everyone,humility pays
-Do not be on the offensive for criticism,it should be taken in good faith
-Do not be a complainer, Stop being one! You tend to send your partner running out the door with your attitude
-Do not give solutions when you are needed to be a listening ear! Stop being a know-it-all for pete’s sake and be dependable
-Do not be a know-it-all
-Do not be commanding,stop imposing your demands on others.
-Do not be inconsistent with your words. Always keep to your promises or decisions
-Do not always be on a mind trip,always be present in conversations and stop being absent mindedo

When Obi started out with a few slaps on the cheeks,Anita thought she could handle it,after all,no one is perfect. If Obi slapped her to cut her excesses, then she must endure and endeavor not to annoy him.
What a laugh! As the relationship progressed so did the beating,which had matured from the few slaps earlier given. It had also increased in intensity.
Then they got married.
What started out as Anita’s resolution to endure Obi’s beating led to her being scarred for life and then later, her death.
Could this have been prevented? A thousand times YES!
I believe that settling for less is one big reason so many people fall prey to this sad and humiliating phenomenon. I do not think that you are being consumed by your so called idea of love when you want to endure another human being beating the living daylights out of you and expect you to accept with no questions asked. I just think it is the victims’ inability to see the bigger picture and that perhaps,is the crux of the matter.
‘Cause if you are able to see the bigger picture, you would know that once it starts,it never stops until it is ended by either an external factor or an internal one of which both are still same like same sides of a coin.
Once your partner starts to batter you, you have got to get out immediately before you sink. Don’t think he will change,cause it would actually take divine intervention for that to happen. When a person starts to treat you like you are inferior, then it is time to leave.
I dare say that it is better where you are going and never ever look back because when you do,you would be worse of. Why would you subject yourself to torture and degradation when the world already has so much to give? I would think that you are a masochist or that,you are sick or something along those lines..
It’s time to get help
It’s time to let others in.
So that they can give you strength when you are weak and think for you when you are down and out and so confused.
Its time to send that batterer packing and reclaim your freedom and your soul. If you are reading this and are in this situation, you have to act now but with caution. You also have to be wise. I wish you the very best as you reclaim your life.
The pic I used is from Flicr,courtesy of Kisstherain

You can as well get killed than being in a loveless relationship! The continuous wish or hope that your partner would see you in a different light is excruciating. It is like a gamble where the odds are all against you.
Life is too short to be riddled with the burden of waiting to be loved and appreciated by the next person close to you. It gets to a point where your heart cannot take any more hurt that it shuts itself down.
Do you want to live for someone who does not care one way or the other for you or you would rather live for yourself?! The question of lookingfor the strength to do so does not even come in in this issue at all! If you are looking for the strength to leave someone who does noot care about you then, I would say (forgive me) that you have some masochistic tendencies! Otherwise, explain to me how you would let yourself remain in that relationship? I think you need help or are sick.
So please, I urge us all to live life and be happy in all and everything we set our lives to do. When you love yourself and have that self confidence and are not riddled with the belief that you cannot leave without someone then that  would be a step to a happy healthy living.

                                  
No one wants to be in and out of relationships like where you have to change clothes but then,it’s exhausting and frustrating to be in a never ending relationship of girlfriend/boyfriend or even fiance/fiancee. Why would you want to stick to those titles for up to 10years or even more?
Now, I’m not saying that long term relationships never work, they do; but it’s like putting up your heart for gamble. When a relationship has stayed for too long, it gets stale and when there’s no growth or progress, it would take a miracle to take it to the next level.
With the length of time, whatever mystery each partner had that held the attraction would wane. And like all humans, you begin to lose interest and start to look outside. The fact that they stay together is out of habit and to prove people wrong that they won’t abandon each other. Or would I say the inner fear of not wanting to be known as the one who ‘betrayed’ the love or trust.
How long then do you think a relationship should take before knowing where you stand or the basis of the dalliance? I think that answer lies within you and your readiness for committment. If you say you are ready to be in relationship but aren’t ready to settle down, then the question is.. How long do you need to get to know your partner? Does he/she know you just aren’t ready yet but need him/her as case study.
So if your study succeeds then fine, but if not, you move on?
You have to term what think or believe to be a long term relationship, know your constraints,
Is the relaionship still alive?
Are you sure the feeling is mutual or is it just your imagination?
What success have you both made towards settling down?Not just dreams all the time.
Is there is fire and commitment or you both still together out of habit or pity or peoples’ opinion?
Are you ready to settle down? What’s your partner’s stance and reason?
I think these are the questions you should be considering if you are in a long term relationship or planning on embarking on one. And this is wishing we make the right decisions, God on our side.

                          
Most times, we set our sights on things that we believe will make us happy and satisfied with our decisions. In this case, I would assume that before you chose your partner, you would have decided to be with that person and/or you earnestly believe he/she would make you happy, so happy that you would never regret your choice.
Imagine when the ‘choice’ turns out to be what you have not bargained for, you tend inwardly access your choice as well as your reason and solution. We even catch ourselves comparing our spouse to an ex, making mind travel to simpler fantasy lives that we formerly had why our present wasn’t better…
PLEASE STOP IT!
The truth is when we begin to compare, most times, the problem isn’t with our spouse but with us because we have set an invisible standard for our partners and as such, get disappointed when he/she does not reach it..
I daresay there was a reason you left the ex right? And there’s a reason you’re with your spouse. First of all stop complaining and trying to pick out faults, you exasperate your partner and once you make him/her peg you down to be someone who nags or complains a lot, your spouse stops listening to you and he/she gets immune to your complains and nag-suggestions.
if for one reason your spouse does not live up to ‘your’ expectation, you don’t have to panic, occupy yourself with things that interest you, be understanding and patient, live like you’ve got no one to compare him/her to. Always call them ‘them your perfect person’
You aren’t perfect either but your spouse hasn’t complained about you-well not as much as you have.. Make the best of every situation and accept faults cause you have them too.
Kill the ‘Ex thoughts’, they’d only land you into more depression and dissatisfaction- look beyond what you see now and turn your relationship to a happy one by letting reason peace and love preside..

By Chineye Dunu A friend of mine was complaining the other day about the incessant raise in lesbianism amongst married women and the fact that some don't even bother to hide it anymore. Well I tried to defend these women saying that maybe he has mistaken the friendly pats and touch as something more. I then decided to do my own research, I could not believe the things I read and heard from different sites and people concerning this issue. I think the most amazing was a friend who told me how she suffered at the hand of a " lesbian lover" according to her, they met while shopping at Ikota shopping centre in Lekki, Lagos. The lady approached her with compliments like "I love your skin it's beautiful, what cream do u use?" thinking nothing of the compliment she answered and they swapped numbers and BB pin so somehow they kept in touch and soon became good friends. After 3 months of talking, seeing and generally hanging out once in a while the lady(Ada) told her she was traveling to buy goods for her shop and asked if she wanted to come along my friend she said she will ask her husband since he already knew Ada after having meet her and her kids a couple of times. After discussing with her husband, her husband said He didn't have enough money and he can only buy her the ticket while she takes care of acquiring the goods with her own funds. Not having so much money she sadly informed Ada that she cannot travel with her as her husband didn't have enough money to give her to buy goods to sell, Ada told her not to worry that she can lend her some money to pay back after she sells her goods. Of course she was ecstatic not knowing what Ada had in stock for her. In Dubai, she could not believe the nice and decent woman she knew wanted to sleep with her as they were sharing a room, Ada told her how she loved her and how her husband was not paying attention to her needs that she had to resort to other women to satisfy her self without being labelled a cheat. My friend said it took her a while to digest all that she heard and was at a loss on what to do thinking if she said No, Ada might kick her out of the hotel room without little or no money she didn't stand a chance on her own, buying some time she said she didn't know the first thing about being a lesbian and that she feels like she is cheating on her husband. Anyway Ada who came prepared told her she will show her the ropes. With a high pile of Adult DVDs of lesbians and Internet sites, my friend knew there was no escape. Anyway according to her she was let off easy on the first night with just heavy petting and an amazing shopping spree the next day to spur her on. When I asked if she did it? She said yes. She then went ahead to tell me that she is not complaining about her husband's skills or anything but that being with Ada was like being with someone who knew her body like your own and also wanted to please her. Even though she said it is not something she wants to do again but it left an indelible mark on her person. This brings me to the question of why women who are supposedly "happily married" sleep with other women? There must be some break down in adequate relationship with their spouse which prompts these women to seek pleasure in the arms of another woman, or is that they were never able to find their sexual inclination before they got married since it was what was expected of them? Whatever the case, I must say that some men need to go back to loving their wives the way they should or just simply find out what her fantasies are and fulfill them before another woman fulfills them for her. Its kind of funny losing your wife to another woman because you could not love her properly right? Thanks. Remember love right, live right!